Tuesday, March 21, 2006

in the tradition of my mom

That somehow you lived through me, with me, in me, and that you will continue to. Because you are stubborn and tough like that. Like me.

You lived a good life and lived it well. And in our 25 years together, you have taught me much more than any mother could have taught her grouchy, impatient, cynical child. You did not teach me how to cook or take care of your plants but you always taught me how to focus – get things done, you always said, because only fools wait. And that was more than enough.

I refuse to make your passing miserable. I refuse to be selfish and ask you to stay, because I know you have better things awaiting you. I smile and laugh and talk about you fondly, because I know that’s how you would have wanted it.

And I agree. The way we agree on choice of furniture, and that Princess Diana was really murdered, and how Oprah only does charities because they’re tax deductible.

I love you, mom. I wanted to say that to you again, together with the many other givens that I do not say much in words, but I do when I scour the streets of Manila to buy you sugarless treats. And you do when you buy me my favorite soda (And when you remind me that it’s my favorite. You knew me way before I got too busy to remember). I will miss our little bets, how we criticize interior décor, how we hoard magazines about Hollywood stars. I will miss driving around with you, getting lost, eating in restaurants with ridiculously small servings.

But I don’t, not really. Because somehow, I feel you and know I did not lose a mother. No one ever loses a mother, you said when I was eight (and Myra's mom died, remember?).

I have a whole life waiting. I will go live it now because I know you will hate me if I lingered. You always told me I would be no less than great. I guess I have no choice. You were always right.


*My mom passed away last Friday morning. She just got admitted to heaven. :)


Anonymous jey said...

hugs, dear.

my sincere condolences.

this is a beautiful tribute to your mom. and i'm sure she's smiling on you now.=)

10:42 AM  
Blogger bismuth said...

we have not really known your mother. but nothing is too late. in your stories your mother will live. the only regret maybe is that we have not thanked her for giving this world a beautiful person like you. and because of you life holds more meaning and inspiration. you have always been uncoventional, impossible to box in. and knowing this side of you is a blessing.

7:14 PM  
Blogger Jacs said...

yes, it is a great tribute.

11:57 AM  
Blogger Sk8RN said...

Wow. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. That is huge. They say losing your parents is the biggest stressor in life. I hope you're taking good care of yourself.

2:31 AM  

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