Wednesday, January 24, 2007

monsters under my bed

It’s much easier to blog about my life when I feel good about it. I guess someone who does not do creative writing (like me) will always find it harder to make stress/uncertainty/fear concrete.

So in order to cope, I have decided to list (in the usual thesis language I am used to) EVERYTHING I AM AFRAID OF.

1. Poverty. Scarcity of anything good is terrifying. Just the thought of not being able to at least maintain my lifestyle is enough to give me sleepless nights. How sad that my trust fund is my yardstick. But can you help it? Has anyone besides the dalai lama ever really made peace with material wealth?

2. Business failure. My company is in a make-or-break situation right now. A lot is at stake in the launch of a new product/service. By ‘a lot,’ I mean:

a. Heads will roll if this does not work. We have to let go of some employees to stay afloat if we do not get enough revenue in time.

b. There will be significant reduction in perks/benefits. Without the success of this new venture, it’s just impossible to afford the same health care benefits and bonuses we’ve been giving.

3. Pity. I don’t like it when people feel sorry for me.

4. Rejection. If I end up becoming a big failure, would I have the same life? The same friends?

My hair is falling out (again). The same thing happened about a year ago when we were just starting to build the company. When my hair falls out, it usually means I am worried, scared and paranoid all at the same time.

I gotta get a new shampoo. Or a new life. Entrepreneurship is harder than I thought it would be.


Blogger {illyria} said...

i have this great shampoo with propolis. organic. smells great. but if you get it in your eyes, you'll die.

9:31 PM  
Blogger subzero said...

poverty and mediocrity. scare the hell out of me. like i told you over galette paysanne and a cup of hot chocolate.

{illyria} is inviting us to coffee this weekend.

8:45 AM  
Blogger mussolini said...

{illyria} and subzero> ennui is inviting us to his apartment, too. let's do both?

8:49 AM  
Blogger bismuth said...

i've been having serious hair fall since 2003 and i've nothing to show for it.

6:52 PM  
Blogger {illyria} said...

it will be great seeing y'all tomorrow.

7:00 PM  
Blogger jey-aiy said...

the best way to fight anything negative is to beautify yourself in and out.

4:54 PM  
Blogger mussolini said...

sub, bis, illy> that was some night, mingling with the proletariat huh?

jey> i do not have time for either.

3:37 PM  
Blogger {illyria} said...

proletariat. i love your optimism. :) and i wanna buy snakeskin flats like yours.

5:27 PM  
Blogger A-hole! said...

i just know everything will be alright.. with the hair, i mean.

11:06 AM  
Blogger mussolini said...

{illyria}> wasn't that humbling?

A-hole!> how the hell are you?

9:28 AM  
Blogger ennui said...

the dalai lama can forego the idea of materialism simply because he's iconic enough to ask for anything ... and actually get it.

12:58 AM  
Blogger Miss F said...

If you ever end up a big failure, I don't think your "true" friends will leave you.

Hospital or jail is the true test of friendship.-Mexican Proverb

The fact that you acknowledge and FACE your fears shows that you're so strong and resilient.

I once had insomnia for SIX FRIGGIN' MONTHS when I was so stressed and depressed (about my life, prospects for the future, heartaches, etc.)I had pimples, dandruff, the works. My body and the outside world were conspiring. Unfortunately I was too young then and wasn't able to see things in their proper perspective. I can relate with what you're writing.

1:35 PM  
Blogger Miss F said...

hi mussolini. I wish I can give some insights about life or what you're going through but I really can't say anything other than "yes I can relate" which is why I keep coming back again and again to your blog.

Keep writing because it's always great to read someone who doesn't mince words and who is so strong, independent and vulnerable at the same time.

1:38 PM  

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