Two people are in my head right now: the Ambitious Mussolini, and the Hippie Mussolini.

Ambitious Musso is an evolved version of the 21-year-old self – a driven, can't-sit-still, glass-is-never-full type. She likes Prada, drives fast cars, and travels first class. She constantly compares herself to imaginary, fictionalized, super-successful people. Her proudest achievement is ... nothing. Even when she knows she has achieved a lot for her age, she feels (and acts) like an underachiever. You see, Ambitious Musso has the uncanny ability to make substantial successes seem lame. To her, it's not the journey. It's the freaking destination. She is a very active (very noisy) part of me, and I probably owe all my material progress to her.

Hippie Musso, on the other hand, is relatively new. She didn't start talking until three years ago, when I was around 25 and my mom passed away. She is a more relaxed, glass-half-full type. Cautious about spending, she likes to travel frugally. She sold the luxury car to keep liquid, and is perfectly content with the little white flat in the fringes of the city, where she and Ambitious Musso currently live. Her lull days are spent thinking about simplifying and living for the now. She is a passive part of me, but she's there, making me think twice about every decision I ever make.

Together, Ambitious Musso and Hippie Musso make up the CONTRADICTION that is me. Most days, they co-exist peacefully. But there are just days when they confuse even me.

* * * *

Hippie: Don't buy a luxury flat. This flat is perfectly good. We have everything you need – a garden, a gym, and a pool (and we don't even swim).

Ambitious: But we also want a view of the city, fresh flowers in the hallway, a concierge. And can you beat that central location?

Hippie: Who needs central location? You can drive everywhere!

Ambitious: Sure, but in the long run, being in a city center allows us to walk or take the train to everywhere, and that's much cheaper than being in the fringes and driving.

Hippie: But think about the mortgage! It will compromise our liquidity. Why would we want real estate debt over our heads when we can just enjoy the money we have? Don't we want the security of having a big savings account?

Ambitious: Security is subjective. I've been doing the math, and I think that if we just kept half of what we have liquid, we would still be secure. We don't really need this much cash.

Hippie: Yes we do if we want to travel to other countries at least twice a year.

Ambitious: Are you saying that we can't travel AND live in a luxury flat at the same time?

Hippie: Yes.

Ambitious: That's where you're wrong. If we work hard enough, we can do both.

Hippie: There you go again with “WORKING HARD.” Aren't we tired? With the savings you have now, we can afford to take it easy, knowing we will never go hungry even if we took a year off and lived in another country.

Ambitious: We don't want to take a year off. Work is a big part of who we are. Ever notice how bored we get after a week or so in another country? We crave work. It's our nature to work hard.

Hippie: We say that now, but when we hit the big 30, we might change our mind and just want to build houses in Africa, or teach, or do other unprofitable pursuits. We can't do that if we have a mortgage to think of.

Ambitious: You underestimate us. We'll pay off the mortgage in two or three years. Didn't we manage to do that with the other properties?

Hippie: Yes, but this luxury flat is much more expensive. And this bloody recession may keep us from making that kind of money.

Ambitious: Not if we WORK HARD, which we are good at. We just double the effort, and we should be fine. Besides, we're in a good position. The developers are desperate, the rates are pre-selling, and we are YOUNG and HEALTHY. It's not like we want kids. That fact alone already doubles our ability to save more money and quickly pay off that mortgage. Once we have paid off the flat, we can concentrate on building liquidity again, AND THEN we can be hippies.

Hippie: Why wait until we're 33 to become hippie? We can start now! We can die tomorrow, you know? Do we really want to die in a luxury flat, paying a mortgage?

Ambitious: If we get mortgage redemption insurance, we could fake our deaths and have a fully-paid-for luxury flat. There's an idea.

Hippie: You're a freak.

Ambitious: You're a freak.

(I was really hoping someone would win by now, but so far, the debate is still on-going. Maybe I should just let the universe decide. )

Ambitious: There's no such thing as fate, dumbass. We make our own destinies.

Hippie: The world is bigger than you, dumbass. Randomness forces you into situations you don't create; all you can do is cope.

(Aaaaaarrrrrgh.)