I hate tacky weddings

(WARNING: This post rants ala Wilhelmina Slater.)

Bridesmaid: You're a mean person.

Me: And you're wearing polyester.

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So I attended a wedding yesterday, and these were the things I had to endure:

1. The bride and the groom singing GOT TO BELIEVE IN MAGIC in Cantonese. It was hard to keep a straight face. I managed. To see how, read #2.

2. Fake fish, fake meat. They served vegan. Eating sweet and sour taro kept my facial movement to a minimum, thus making me appear appreciative of the tackiness that was the whole wedding.

3. A green-and-red-and-gold motif. Seriously -- are these people color blind?

4. Fake Chanel bags everywhere. Please, ladies. If you are attending a wedding, leave your pleather knockoffs at home.

5. A god awful audio-video presentation. It featured pictures of the couple in weird poses -- you know, arms around each other, noses touching, lips almost kissing? Like uptight porn?


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The only thing that kept me alive was the knowledge that in a sea of too-fitted polyviscose blends, I was a standout in my relaxed cotton-silk voile cap sleeve dress by Leon Max:






I also carried an odd-looking bucket handbag made of real sheep fur.

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Weddings suck.