what if it all ends?

I wish I could feel more ready for life, but I don't.

Everyday, changes tip the balance. Interest rates fluctuate. Marriages end. Houses burn down. Everything we could touch, count, smell, feel, and think - it all feels like a bluff, and not a very good one at that.

Today my grandmother (my father's mom) passed away. We were not close or anything. I only knew her superficially. Many of my relatives described her as a manipulative person, trying to control the family with her wealth. To me, she just seemed uncompromising. Her biggest flaw seemed to be her blind love for her eldest son, my uncle, to whom she gave her all money only to see it burn to the ground. It's a classic story of fortunes made and lost. This is just my point of view. I don't know all the details, and frankly, I don't want to.

I wonder when I'll die, and how.

It's impossible to prepare for life. All we could do is minimize the risk - and that's why people insure their valuables, save for the future, and follow other formulas created by self-proclaimed gurus of all kinds. But sometimes, all this "preparation" gets in the way of living, don't you agree?

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P.S. Just read an article about the ruins of another life change many people go through: divorce. Here's a look at a gorgeous house post separation. In my opinion, banks should only grant mortgages based on individual income, never on joint income. After all, 50% of marriages fail.