Chilean Sea Bass with Truffle Clam Sauce

Dear person who wants to be my friend,

I only make friends with three kinds of people:

1. Straight women with balls
2. Straight men with balls
3. Gay men/women who like Diane Von Furstenberg

I’m already 26. I already have a comfortable number of so-so friends and close friends, so NO, I am not holding any more auditions. Unless you pre-qualify, I’m really not interested.

You pre-qualify if you:

1. Find Japanese cars funny
2. Still watch Seinfeld
3. Made your first million before 25* or
4. At least have a decent savings account*

*The reason you need decent money to be my friend is because I do not want to pay for your dinner when we hang out.

_____

Can you almost smell Valentine’s Day? I can.

Valentine’s Day is disgusting because for some reason, people find it imperative to wear red/be all touchy-touchy. But I like it because of the food. MSP treated me to a very early Valentine’s Day by feeding me:

1. Soup
2. Foie gras
3. Oysters
4. Tenderloin Medallion with Gratin of Assorted Mushrooms on Lyonnaise Potato
5. Chilean Sea Bass with Truffle Clam Sauce (my favourite)
6. Flourless chocolate cake with orange caramel sauce
7. Tartufo Nero with Grand Marnier










So shit, maybe I actually like Valentine’s Day as long as it is celebrated earlier. This makes me a sissy by my standards. A complete disgrace if you ask my friends.