Tuesday, May 30, 2006

the high point of my day

MSP is sick today and did not go to work. He says he would be here in the afternoon so we could together do the payroll for the team (I call them 'team,' he calls them 'employees.' He's stuck in the 50's.)

Meanwhile I am eating lunch alone. Thank god. I mean, I enjoy eating lunch with MSP (he is my boyfriend) but today, I get to actually see my view (without his head in the way). I can eat all the meat I want without worrying if he wants more, and I can drink coffee after drinking a bottle of coke and no one will mind.

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Lunch courtesy of the nice lady who runs a convenience/food store downstairs. A bowl of rice with meat and vegetable toppings -- for one. This cost me only $1.

I miss single-hood. Some people would kill for the relationship I have with MSP, but yeah, I miss single-hood. Not that I want to break up with him or anything. I just...what's the word? I enjoy moments like this -- moments of complete independence, of not having to 'synch' my clock with his, of feeling, again, like the complete person I am.

Am I terrible?

Thursday, May 18, 2006


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I cannot tell when work stops and eating begins.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

i am a magnet and i attract work

Productivity is working in bed for two days with a laptop, a notebook, a mug of coffee, a wristwatch, and a bag of potato chips while art films are playing on the DVD. That has been my life in the past 48 hours.

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Yes, that’s animal print.

Sometimes I feel like my days never really end – sleep flows right through waking life flows right through sleep. And I do not mean in a schizophrenic walking-in-air kind of way. I just do not follow ‘regular’ patterns now, and the only thing that reminds me that time is ticking is my wristwatch (which explains why I wear it all the time).

Even with the office running smoothly and after I have delegated tasks, I still work nonstop. Deadlines find me. They’re very good with directions. Do not get me wrong – I like that opportunities for business improvement find their way to me. I am grateful, really. It’s my fault for not being fast enough to cope. I will be.

I have to finish a report now. This owning-a-company thing is great, but it does make me work on weekends wearing oversized shirts and pajamas. And I thought I’d be in Pradas all the time.


I was watching TRADING SPOUSES last night and I saw this father who’s pretty successful and runs a profitable business from their big house. What his family does not know is he’s in deep financial trouble. He has to work overtime to pay the bills, and he’s constantly worried about the future of the business. His mortgage runs to about $7,000, his kids are all in private school, his wife has no idea and just spends his money, and he’s stuck in his home office making calls and pulling strings and using the adding machine.

Will I ever be in that situation? I hope not. I really should keep my dreams smaller and more manageable – unlike him. I mean, he would not be in such deep financial trouble if he kept his house and his cars simple, if he just sent his kids to regular school, and if he did not force himself to project an image of affluence.

I should really forget about getting that collectible Mercedes. It just does not make sense to want to own something so useless.

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Maybe one day, but not today.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

living things

So we decided to get plants for the office. I do not know if we should name them. That might cause us unnecessary grief if they die.

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They change places everyday.

Still, if you have ideas for plant names, give us suggestions.

Monday, May 01, 2006

i must be god

I didn’t think I would ever be exhausted. After all, I am the Mussolini. So when I woke up this morning feeling very tired from pretending to sleep when I was really working (in my head, crunching numbers), I realized that I need a break. And that I could not have one.

I haven’t stopped working for *counts with fingers* five years. Unlike most kids who took time out to find out what they want to do in life, I went straight to ‘part-time’ teaching right after school. I wanted to make more money so ‘part-time’ really meant working longer hours than other professors do.

I saved up as much as I can and then jumped right in the hoopla that is the corporate world. Got a very demanding job making the government look good. Worked longer hours again (for no apparent reason, since I was on a fixed salary). Made newsletters. Made speeches. Made lawyers cry. Made money. Moved on.

Did I get a break after leaving the government and swearing off employee-hood? No. I went straight into building the business, one client at a time. I set up a home office. Marketed the business. Met a client. Then another client. And another. Started making money. Decided to expand. Started spending money. Started hiring people.

My days are now longer than they have ever been. I work 16 hours. If I add up all the hours I’ve been working (since birth), the total would be longer than the Vietnam War. The only decent ‘break’ I get is when I am having dinner with friends. When I catch rerun of Seinfeld. Maybe when I’m reading an issue of the Entrepreneur.

If I ever get two weeks off, I want to fly to Malaysia and just walk around, get lost, eat street food, urinate in their ultra clean public restrooms, find my way back into the hotel, call my boyfriend about how my day went, watch Malaysian TV shows I do not understand, and then sleep. Then do the same thing over the next day.