Sunday, August 03, 2008

I'm better than Sigmund Freud

People always come to me for advice. I don't know what it is about me – perhaps it's my solution-orientedneess, my ability to reduce problems down to simple questions answerable by 'yes' or 'no.'

It also helps that I am a brutally frank asshole. You see, most advice-givers say that they have your best interest at heart when they are really only using you to delude themselves that their lives are wonderful (unlike yours). They prolong the advice giving session, throwing profundities that leave you even more confused so that you ask more questions, so that they feel more needed, and so that they can convince themselves that they are superior to poor little you. Well, I'm not like that. I just want to give you the best possible answer at the soonest possible time, because frankly, this whole talk is a chore. I already know I'm superior. I don't need to be pedantic to prove it.

Because I am an asshole, I give the best advice. I am too self-absorbed to have any vested interest in your life, so you can trust that my advice will be solutions that will be best for you, not sugarcoated half-truths homemade with a dash of envy and a pinch of insecurity. Best of all, my solutions are realistic – they can be implemented within a given time frame. I will never give you theoretical advice. Life is too short. You want your problem solved? Do as I say.

You can't please everyone

I'm sure that at least 10 people in this world hate me. I'm not being paranoid or morbid. I'm just being realistic.

I have proven that you can exist in your own little world/play by the rules and still manage to incite hate. Don't believe the Pollyannas of this world. These optimistic retards think that if they do no wrong, they won't have any enemies. That's a big mistake.

You can pay your bills on time, donate to charity, work like a horse, stay out of other people's way, and still manage to make enemies. Someone will always hate the way you dress, that car you drive, your address, how 'perfect' your life seems, your boyfriend, your education, your new shoes. You can be fair – pay people what is due them, keep your promises, stay true to your word – and still you will be hated.

That's just the way of the world. If there was no hate, there would be too much love, and there would be no equilibrium.

How many people do you think hate you? (Don't fool yourself.)


Blogger Erica Cleofe-Kononen said...

I think the people who hate are proportionate to the people who know you. I believe at least 15% of the people who know you probably do not like you.

In my case, that means A LOT and I love it. I would rather be hated than be anonymous. :)

7:11 PM  
Blogger ennui said...

I actually, honestly, don't know how many people hate me. My appearance of being a cute and timid Catholic boy at 29 makes it difficult for them to tell me they hate me. For now, I know 1 person who ranks me #1 on his enemy list and that is because I frankly told him the truth to his face (through YM).

So Musso I think, really, honesty breeds contempt.


1:44 AM  
Blogger acey said...

gosh, this makes me think...

1. i know of a model who hates me.

2. her friends probably hate me, too.

3. and of a schoolmate/beauty queen who told me in my face that she doesn't like me.

4. and of a vj/ex-bff who probably still curses the day i was born.

5. and of 1 girl who used me when her popular friends left her (she even had the guts to to threaten to sue me after the good i've done to and for her).

6. her friends probably hate me, too.

7. i also know of a few boys who hate me, too (i don't know why, but i was always nice to them).

that's more than 10 people. (i realized i gotta watch my back all the time now.)

ps: i actually like you, m. this post makes good sense and, i think i like you more for it.

2:27 PM  
Blogger mussolini said...

ekay> even people who don't know me hate me sometimes.

ennui> when in the presence of *his royal highness,* you shall censor your words.

acey> a vj, a beauty queen, and a model. wow, it seems only beautiful people hate you. sure beats being hated by fuglies LOL

8:22 AM  
Blogger Retro Manila said...

An ex probably still hates me. Er, make that two exes.

My f*ckard neighbor and his silly dog hate me. It's alright; my dogs will eat both of them if given the chance.

A few employees I "dismissed" would love it if I was sent to hell.

Etseteruh, etseteruh.

3:13 AM  
Anonymous carol ann said...

lots of people hate me because i only do what i wanna do in my life. i am true to myself and i dont want anybody to interfere our family..dats why they hated me...bahala sla..

2:16 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home